WARNING
Taking all of the actions on this page may not prevent an abuser from discovering your email and Internet activity. The safest way to find information on the Internet is to go to a safer computer. Some suggestions would be your local library, a friend's house or your workplace. Other safety suggestions: Change your password often, do not pick obvious words or numbers for your password, and make sure to include a combination of letters and numbers for your password.
HOW AN ABUSER CAN TRACK YOUR ACTIVITIES
Email
If an abuser has access to your email account, he or she may be able to read your incoming and outgoing mail. Even if you believe your account is secure, make sure you choose a password he or she will not be able to guess.
If an abuser sends you threatening or harassing email messages, you can print and save them as evidence of this abuse. These messages may also constitute a federal offense. For more information on this issue, contact your local United States Attorney's Office.
ERASING YOUR TRACKS
History/cache file
If an abuser knows how to read your computer's history of cache file (automatically saved web pages and graphics), he or she may be able to see information you have viewed on the Internet.
You can clear your history or empty your cache file in your brower's settings*
Netscape:
Pull down Edit menu, select Preferences. Click on Navigator or choose "Clear History". Click on Advanced then select Cache. Click on "Clear Disk Cache".
Internet Explorer:
Pull down Tools menu, select Internet Options. On General page under Temporary Internet Files, Click on Delete Files. If asked, check the box to delete all offline content. Still within the Temporary Internet Files section, click on Setting (This step may make it harder to navigate pages where you would like your information to be remembered, but these remaining cookies do show website pages you have visited. Therefore, use your own judgment as to whether or not to take this next step). Click on "View Files", Manually highlight all the files (cookies) shown, then hit Delete. Close that window, then on General page under History section, click on "Clear History."
AOL:
Pull down Members menu, select Preferences. Click on WWW icon. Then select Advanced. Purge Cache.
Additionally, you need to make sure that the "Use Inline Autocomplete" box is NOT checked. This function will complete partial web addresses while typing location in the address bar at the top of the browser.
If you are using Internet Explorer, this box can be found on the MS Internet Explorer Page
by clicking on "Tools" at the top of the screen, then "Internet Options" and then the "Advanced" tab. About halfway down there is a "Use Inline Autocomplete" box that can be checked or unchecked by clicking on it. Uncheck the box to disable the feature that automatically completes an Internet address when you start typing in the Internet address box.
*This information may not completely hide your tracks. Many browser types have features that display recently visited sites. The safest way to find information on the Internet would be at a local library, a friend's house, or at work.
For help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) TTY 1-800-787-3224
To download these guidelines, click here.
If you are still in the relationship:
- Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs - avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
- Think about and make a list of safe people to contact.
- Keep small change with you at all times (for phone, bus, etc).
- Memorize all important numbers (friends, SSN, etc).
- Establish a "code word" or "sign" so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help.
- Think about what you will say to your partner if he\she becomes violent.
Remember, you have the right to live without fear and violence.
If you have left the relationship:
- Change your phone number.
- Screen calls (get caller ID or let your machine pick up and listen before answering).
- Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer (Make a copy of this and put it in a safe place or with a safe friend).
- Change locks, if the batterer has a key.
- Avoid staying alone.
- Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
- If you have to meet your partner, do it in a public place (shopping mall, coffee shop, restaurant).
- Vary your routine.
- Notify school and work contacts.
- Call a shelter for battered women.
If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action.
Important papers you should take include social security cards and birth certificates for you and your children, your marriage license (domestic partnership papers), leases or deeds in your name or both yours and your partner's names, your checkbook, your charge cards, bank statements and charge account statements, insurance policies, proof of income for you and your spouse (pay stubs or W-2's), and any documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)
If you are in San Diego, call the 24 hour hotline (888) DVLINKS for help.
If you are not in San Diego and need help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) TTY 1-800-787-3224
To download these guidelines, click here.
This Safety Plan is intended to provide you with information, procedures and steps to take to maximize your safety and protect you from further acts of violence in your relationship. This plan is for you, and works best when developed by you, your therapist, a trusted friend or family member, etc. You are the final authority on when, where and how to use this plan.
Cues that I am in danger:
Identify the cues that are signals to you of increasing danger of an incident of violence. The earlier you can recognize these warning signs, the greater the likelihood that you can act to ensure your personal safety and protection. Some examples of signs or cues include: a look on your partner’s face, the smell of alcohol or a specific behavior such as throwing things, that means danger.
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Plans for use in an emergency (to get away from the perpetrator):
- Keep cash, checks, and credit cards so that you can pay for immediate emergency needs, such as hotel rooms, food, child care needs (e.g. diapers), or transportation.
How much will you need? _____________________________________
Where will you keep this money? ________________________________
____________________________________________________________
- Keep a second set of car keys easily accessible. If you don’t have access to a car, keep a schedule of bus routes in your neighborhood close by.
- Pack and keep an escape bag of personal articles, clothing and important papers. Some suggestions include:
For Yourself:
- Identification
- Birth Certificate
- Social Security Card
- Bankbooks, address book
- Keys for your house, car, or office or friend’s house
- Driver’s license and registration or bus schedule
- Medications
- Change of clothes
- Welfare identification
- Passport, immigration card/papers, work permits
- Lease/rental agreement or house deed
- Mortgage payment book, current unpaid bills
- Insurance paper
If you have children:
- Birth certificates
- Social security cards
- School and medical records
- Favorite toys or blankets
- Medications
- Change of clothes
- Diapers
- Vaccination record
List below any additional items you will pack in your emergency bag:
- Decide where to keep your emergency bag. Many people keep it either in the trunk of their car, hall closet near the front door, at work or at a family member or friend’s house. Just be sure that it is in a place that the offender won’t accidentally come across it.
Where will you keep your emergency bag? _________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
- Set up warning codes and call-for help codes with other family members, neighbors, professionals, etc. For example, call a friend or family member’s pager, answering machine, cell phone and enter a code that only they know means you need help.
Who will you call for help? _____________________________________________
What are her/his phone numbers?
- Home: ___________________________
- Work: _____________________________
- Pager/Voice Mail _____________________
Will this person pick you up at your house or meet you somewhere if you need him or her to? Yes or No
Where will this person pick you up? _________________________________________
I have discussed my Safety Plan with the person listed above. Check off this box when you have had this conversation. O
- Rehearse your departure
- Have several realistic reasons to give your partner for leaving at different times of the day and night
- Once you are out the door, just keep going.
- Get into you car and drive as quickly as possible, or keep walking until you get to a phone, bus stop or a friend or family member’s house.
THE POLICE
In an Emergency, dial 911
The police will respond to your call for help. Tell the 911 operator you are in a domestic violence situation and need immediate help.
If you think you might need the police, but you are not sure:
Call the police dispatcher: 619.531.2000
This number is not for emergencies and you may have to wait on hold for a dispatcher. Tell the dispatcher your situation. He or she will help you determine if it is an emergency, and will contact 911 for you if necessary. If not, he or she will tell you what the police can and cannot do to help.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
This hotline is available 24 hours a day for any domestic violence crisis:
San Diego Domestic Violence Hotline 1.888.DVLINKS
385-4657
SHELTER
The following hotlines offer emergency housing or shelter for women and children. They do not currently offer shelter for men. They are referral hotlines that will connect you with the appropriate shelter, tell you how to get there and what to do to stay safe.
24 Hour San Diego Domestic Violence Hotline 1.888.385.4657
1.888. DVLINKS
CRISIS HOTLINE
24-Hour San Diego County Crisis Line 1.800.479.3339
TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDERS AND RESTRAINING ORDERS
A Restraining Order is an order from the court prohibiting the offender from coming in contact with the victim. It may also include the victim’s children, members of the immediate family, or household members if they are threatened by the offender. There are three types of Restraining Orders: Domestic Violence, Family Law and Civil Law. You will most likely apply for either a Domestic Violence or a Family Law Restraining Order. Temporary Restraining Orders (TRO’s) are in effect from the time after filing the Restraining Order forms, to the time of the Restraining Order hearing.
Both Domestic Violence and Family Law Restraining Orders are issued where there has been physical injury or the serious threat of physical injury to the victim.
For a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, one of the following must also be true:
- The parties are living together or have lived together
- The parties have a dating or engagement relationship
- The parties have minor children together
- The parties are related by blood, marriage or adoption
- The parties are married
For a Family Law Restraining Order, the following must be true:
- There has been a divorce, marriage annulment or paternity suit filed.
The following are the steps taken to file a Restraining Order. More detailed information can be obtained through legal clinics and these telephone numbers are included in the resource section of this packet. It is advisable to obtain legal advice, even though the forms you will fill out are designed to be completed without the need for a lawyer.
- You must fill out the Restraining Order forms and take them to the nearest Family Law Courthouse. You will see either the court clerk or a judge who schedules a court hearing and issues the TRO that is in effect until your hearing.
- You take the TRO to the nearest Marshall’s office. This office must receive a copy of the TRO for it to be valid and enforceable.
- The Marshall may serve the order on the offender (this is a free service in the case of domestic violence) or the offender may be served by anyone over the age of 18 who is not a party to the action. The offender must be served no less than two days before the hearing date. If the offender is not served, you should attend the hearing and ask for an extension.
- You attend the hearing. The offender may or may not attend. Assuming everything is in order, the court can extend the Restraining Order for up to three years.
Additional reminders:
- Change your phone number(s).
- Change the locks on your home when a TRO is in effect.
- Alert your day care center, school, or child care provider to the existence of a TRO restraining the perpetrator from coming to the facility or taking the child from the premises.
- Alert your friends and family (and possibly your employer) to the existence of the TRO to gain their support and help in providing safety and protection for you.
If you need to apply for a TRO – please Call 888.DVLINKS for locations near you. You may also contact the Family Justice Center at 1-866-933-HOPE (4673)
To download the "Create Your Own Safety Plan," click here.
